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females first

aint this some bullshit

I was so happy that I was the only passenger on the little shuttle out of town today. Gloriously quiet ride. I tried to get some snacks at the dollar store next to the transportation center before my connecting bus arrived because it was time to eat, but the store literally never has more than two cashiers working and literally always has a bunch of people with baskets full of shit in line, so I had to leave to avoid missing my bus.

I waited forever for the doctor again. He said that my swelling feet and ankles are caused by water retention (!). The results of my vitamin d3 test weren't available (it's been three weeks since I had blood drawn for that!). He said that I didn't look my "normal" happy self. This was the second time he'd ever seen me.

He said that I have two options: a sleep study or medication. Well the sleep study isn't going to help because I can't sleep in strange places. He said that he would try to wrangle it so that I could get a home sleep study. But in the meantime, medication. First he said the medication was for nerve problems or something, so I didn't understand what he was offering.

Then when I started complaining about side-effects, he told me that he was prescribing an SSRI! A goddamned anti-depressant! I kind of lost it a little bit. I told him this was crazy because I'm not depressed. But what else can I do? I can't live my life tired all the time. So I just said ok. I was despondent after I left. I couldn't decide whether I'd take the medication or not.

But I thought of something on my way home (which included missing the bus): I feel a little better now that I'm not exercising. As much as I want to exercise, I'm probably better off toning it down than taking Celexa for a month.

So I took the later bus back to where the shuttle picks up and tried to get some cereal from the dollar store next to the transportation center because I have leftover almond milk from the last time I gave in to buying my beloved Nutty Nuggets and I'm sick of eating the food I have and too tired to cook.

Once again, only two cashiers were available and the people in line ahead of me were unloading a bomb shelter's worth of food. so I put my two boxes of rice crispies on top of the soda machine, got out of line, and left, just as I'd put my back brush, pistachios, and pretzels on top of the soda machine and left four hours earlier.

ha! that motormouth guy who rides the shuttle back into town Thursday evenings didn't show up today despite the driver's waiting nearly a quarter of an hour extra for him. thank goodness! shit, my next appointment is also on a thursday. the rheumatologist only comes on thursdays. and it turned out that I would have had enough time to buy those two boxes of cereal, dammit.