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females first

I Must Sleep

I tried doing an even lighter workout this evening, and I'm already starting to feel. Usually I don't feel bad until the morning after.

I love my hair. I've been taking very good care of it lately. For most of my life I had no idea how to keep it clean and moisturized. I was raised to put grease in my hair. I decided that wasn't good for my hair because grease blocks the follicles.

I would keep various types of moisturizer in my hair and not wash my hair often because washing dried it out, but that combination made my hair dirty. As an adolescent, I washed my hair so infrequently that I actually somewhat envied people who washed their hair daily. I still had dandruff and dry scalp.

Now I condition with oil (and sometimes shea butter), but wash it/them out the same day. I do this every day or every other day. I've discovered that I have to do it that often; missing just a few days leaves me with dandruff.

I was a bit upset yesterday. The shrink has begun doing to me that thing I hate, that thing that makes me not want to be around people. Guessing at what I'm thinking and not taking what I'm saying at face value. To put salt in the wound, she's partially basing her diagnosis of depression on her "observation" that I "isolate."

This time was a bit different, however. First I was telling her about a conversation I had, and she randomly asked me if my response was caused by hostility. Then she (out of the blue) told me that I seem to think that I'm aware of all of my motivations. She reminded me that people have an unconscious. I know damned well that I was paying better attention to the details of the conversation than she was (particularly given her having asked me for details I had stated not 5 minutes before), and I'm sure that I said nothing that justified that "observation."

I'm not going to put up with someone who thinks she know what I'm thinking better than I do. I am so done with that. I will think of a way to bring it up with her next week. If this doesn't work out, never again will I seek a female shrink. I give up! The only shrink I ever had who seemed to understand me was a guy.

My millet didn't finish cooking again. I used to cook it perfectly every single night, but I've been messing it up for the past month or two. I don't know what I'm doing differently. I'll just have undigestable millet in my gut tonight.

I'm going to be trying extra hard to get enough sleep so that I can continue lifting. No computer late at night (I shouldn't even be online now).
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